I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
dude. I can hear the air.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
