weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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