Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
