At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
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