I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Randomize
