I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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