Only a mothe r could love this liver
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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