Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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