Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
