I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
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My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
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When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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