I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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