Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
