i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
