I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
