thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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