note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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