went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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