the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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