Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
