I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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