Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
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Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
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Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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