she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
