why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
