I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
