My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
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this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
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you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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