escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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