Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
