I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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