I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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