sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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