he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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