Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
