I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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