I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
