I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
why is half of my head shaved?
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