i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Everything about him screamed your future.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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