From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
