I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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