Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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