As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
