please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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