I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
