I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
