i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
