Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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