If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
