THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
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i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
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I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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