I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
