I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
