I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
