I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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