I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
