you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
