ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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