things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
