Dual....:-)
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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