I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
and you fell through a lawn chair
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
