We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
