just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
