Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
