Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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