he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
